Most Beloved and Highly Esteemed DKS List Subscribers,
Welcome to The Douglas Kelley Show List
Welcome to the program. Yes we have openings, we'll get to
those in a minute, but we first we begin for your amusement with
The Washington Post's winning
submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers
were asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. And. The results for The Washington Post's Style
Invitational, which asked readers to take any word, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.
A. Winning neologisms-
Readers supply alternative meanings
for common words:
- 1. Coffee (n.), the
person upon whom one coughs.
- 2. Flabbergasted (adj.),
appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- 3. Abdicate (v.), to
give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- 4. Esplanade (v.), to
attempt an explanation while drunk.
- 5. Willy-nilly (adj.),
- 6. Negligent (adj.),
describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
- 7. Lymph (v.), to walk
with a lisp.
- 8. Gargoyle (n),
- 9. Flatulence (n.)
emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.
- 10. Balderdash (n.), a
rapidly receding hairline.
- 11. Testicle (n.), a
humorous question on an exam.
- 12. Rectitude (n.), the
formal, dignified bearing adopted by
- 13. Pokemon (n), a
- 14. Oyster (n.), a
person who sprinkles his conversation with
- 15. Frisbeetarianism
(n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,
when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
- 16. Circumvent (n.), an
opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Washington Post's Style
Invitational (Take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.) winners:
- Bozone (n.): The
substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from
penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.
- Foreploy (v): Any
misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
- Giraffiti (n): Vandalism
spray-painted very, very high.
- Sarchasm (n): The gulf
between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
- Inoculatte (v): To take
coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Hipatitis (n): Terminal
- Osteopornosis (n): A
degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
- Karmageddon (n): its
like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
- Decafalon (n.): The
grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that
are good for you.
- Glibido (v): All talk
and no action.
- Dopeler effect (n): The
tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Arachnoleptic fit (n.):
The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked
through a spider web.
- Beelzebug (n.): Satan in
the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the
morning and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor (n.): The
color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
- (And the pick of the literature) Ignoranus
(n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
(If anyone can think of any art
related words and definitions in the style of this contest,
please send them to me at email@example.com. I'm sure they exist, I know
because I use them all the time, but after I slaughter the language I
usually forget them. Keep those cards and letters coming.)
Of a personal note, there only two things that I'm absolutely,
positively going to this week are; Mary
Mattingly's waterpod party at exit Art on Friday night, warning
it's 15 bucks, but I'm sure will be fun. And two, on Saturday
night, July 23rd, Inka Essenhigh at 303
Gallery, 547 West 21st Street, 6-8